went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
