I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
