We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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