I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
