I just threw up on my dentist
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
