how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
