He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's no shave November. This is our time.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize