I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
