Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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