I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
