Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
