Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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