what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
