if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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