Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
