i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
