my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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