Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
