Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
