He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
