its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
