Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize