grandma shit on top of the toilet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
