I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
