idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
