am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
pray to the hookup gods
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize