I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
