i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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