12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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