uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
