I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
