I CAN MOONWALK!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
