Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
