we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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