a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
do nipples grow back?
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