1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
