I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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