i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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