take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
