thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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