fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
