When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
