I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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