Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
