WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
