Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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