Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
