she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize