i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
