You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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