I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
