Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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