I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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