i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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