woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize