She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
