i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Who put my cat in the fridge?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
