So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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