He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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