if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
